too complicated, too fast

sometimes things get too complicated, too fast. they can make you feel like you're drowning. you may not want anything to do with it at all. but sometimes the very same thing can make you feel like you're floating. like you're invincible, indestructible: and no one can stop you. nothing can get in your path. and maybe this something is a person. a person that can make you smile even when they're a thousand miles away. a person who makes your heart jumpstart and beat fast. a person who makes you lose your mind when you try to piece things together. that's where complicated comes in. you never know what is really going on in their mind. their emotions are hard to detect. their smile can seem like a cover-up for something hiding underneath. and when you catch them staring you dream up all the things they could be thinking. then all the things they're not. you can't imagine that they would be thinking what you want them to think, but somewhere in the back of your mind you hope. and you wish. then something happens, and whatever it is; it confirms it. they don't want you. your heart drops. your mind blanks over. all of a sudden nothing seems real, and you don't want it to, for you're afraid nothing will be the same anymore.
sometimes, things get too complicated, too fast.

That Soft Interior

theres something about actually seeing someone for the first time. sure, you've seen them physically before. but maybe not emotionally. like underneath that rough exterior, theres a side of someone you never saw. and the thing is, this epiphany comes to you at the strangest moments. like when you're lying in bed, listening to a conversation you probably shouldn't be listening to. or when you're in the middle of bashing that person. then, when you relate what you learned to what you're saying to their face or behind their back, the pieces fit & you suddenly have so much more respect for the person they are underneath. and now that i know this about someone, it makes me wonder why they aren't this inside person all the time, instead of the one causing trouble & ruining things.

Why do people change their identities?

People confuse me so much sometimes. Some days i just wanna shout "wtf" and get an answer, not just an unmeaningful silence. I wanna know why people do the things they do. There are people who are so carefree and loose, just enjoying life and others who do everything they can to fit in with people who don't even like them for who they are. They drop their personalities and opinions and mold themselves to those of others. The thing that is hard to understand is why doesn't the carefreeness rub off on the people surrounding them? Why do people only pick up the "personalities" of posers, fakes? I really just want to understand the type of things that go through peoples minds when they dump a group of people to go off with another. Maybe it's for a good reason, but maybe not. And when that maybe not happens, why should they come crawling back to the originals. The people they left. Life isn't too simple, and people aren't either. So just be yourself and live your life to it's fullest.

don't change your identity
you'll end up regretting it in the end.
x . o . x;
alex