too complicated, too fast

sometimes things get too complicated, too fast. they can make you feel like you're drowning. you may not want anything to do with it at all. but sometimes the very same thing can make you feel like you're floating. like you're invincible, indestructible: and no one can stop you. nothing can get in your path. and maybe this something is a person. a person that can make you smile even when they're a thousand miles away. a person who makes your heart jumpstart and beat fast. a person who makes you lose your mind when you try to piece things together. that's where complicated comes in. you never know what is really going on in their mind. their emotions are hard to detect. their smile can seem like a cover-up for something hiding underneath. and when you catch them staring you dream up all the things they could be thinking. then all the things they're not. you can't imagine that they would be thinking what you want them to think, but somewhere in the back of your mind you hope. and you wish. then something happens, and whatever it is; it confirms it. they don't want you. your heart drops. your mind blanks over. all of a sudden nothing seems real, and you don't want it to, for you're afraid nothing will be the same anymore.
sometimes, things get too complicated, too fast.

i want, not need

i want someone to stumble across this & give me support.
not that i need it. i will keep posting anyway.
i just want it.

Justice

He wants her.
I want him.
She doesn't.
Why can't the world have some justice?

dreams when i'm not sleeping

i want to go to their house. i want for your family to be there. i want him to become friends with him, and her to become friends with her. i want us to laugh, and smile. then, another time, i want them to decide to have you over. and them. and maybe them. it would be nice to take some pictures. of us. i want you to gang up on me with them. and i want to show you how tough i can be. i want them to finally give up as you come crawling back to me. i will protest, but you will win. and i will be glad. we will talk. and jump. and swim. and laugh. we will go somewhere and talk some more. then, i want you to smile at me and tell me what you feel. i want to be able to smile back. i want you to kiss me. i want it to be good. i want to be good. i want the rush of almost being caught. i would enjoy making deals with them so they don't tell. it would make my heart swell if you made a deal with them so they don't tell. i don't want to be anything else.

but i want for it all to be one little secret.

darling, play your part

time flies by and the world spins slow. there are so many things i want you to know. like how i remember your hopes and dreams, and how i stare at you when it seems. you aren't looking but you are. and when i so much as hear your voice. my heart skips a beat and i want it to all be over. or for it all to start. darling, play your part.

I'm not afraid of death

the thing im afraid of isn't death, or dieing, or even anyone else being dead. i have realized that what i am more afraid of is the fact that now, as i am alive, i can learn and understand about
the events in the past and the events now, in the present time, however when i am dead, i will no longer be able to know anything going on in the world. i want to be able to know
if global warming is true, how the world ends if it ever does, who the presidents are, and so many other things i know i will never understand when i am gone. i want to know what
type of music people listen to. i am afraid of missing out on a hit single that shakes rocks the world. now, in the present, i can rock out to old bands, but when i'm dead, there is going to
be no jamming to the amazing new bands and songs that will for sure come out in the future. will they invent the hover car? will we discover another universe? will we ever find a cure
for AIDS? or cancer? even the little things like what new phones are invented? all these questions & so many more are what i am truly afraid of missing out on.

That Soft Interior

theres something about actually seeing someone for the first time. sure, you've seen them physically before. but maybe not emotionally. like underneath that rough exterior, theres a side of someone you never saw. and the thing is, this epiphany comes to you at the strangest moments. like when you're lying in bed, listening to a conversation you probably shouldn't be listening to. or when you're in the middle of bashing that person. then, when you relate what you learned to what you're saying to their face or behind their back, the pieces fit & you suddenly have so much more respect for the person they are underneath. and now that i know this about someone, it makes me wonder why they aren't this inside person all the time, instead of the one causing trouble & ruining things.